Whenever November appears
on the calendar’s march of months, it surfaces memories of family loss as well
as the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. At this time I would like to share
a short personal experience piece I wrote shortly after my father’s death in
2008. May you be blessed!
Never Alone
As I
stood before the gravesite of my parents, I stared upon the arrangement of red
and pink roses, yellow carnations, and miniature daisies. Today, November 19, would have been
their 69th wedding anniversary. Instead, it was one month after my
dad’s passing. My mother had died the year of their 65th, and
ironically, we held her memorial celebration on their anniversary day. Dad
thought she would have approved of our choice.
I glanced up and down the row of head stones where my
father’s family was buried. From his seven siblings, only one of his brothers and one of his sisters
remained. Slowly, his generation was leaving us, leaving me. I turned to go
when an overwhelming sense of loneliness unexpectedly struck me.
Throughout my life, family had always played a major
part in the close-knit, rural environment where I was raised. Since some family
member was always within driving distance, many weekends or Sunday afternoons
were spent eating, visiting, playing baseball or whatever sport was in season,
and of course, playing cards. Many fond memories of family and fun were engraved into my mind like drawings with permanent markers on a sketch pad. Now,
with the loss of my parents and other close relatives, memories became
irreplaceable paintings.
Slowly, with tears filling my eyes, I walked to my
car. I got in but I couldn’t start it. I felt so alone, so abandoned. Even
though I had my own family, a husband, four grown children and four
grandchildren, I felt empty. Why was I
feeling this way? I thought. Was it
part of the grieving process?
When Mom had died, I remembered grieving. I missed her
immensely, but I still had Dad. In fact, we drew upon each other’s love,
strength, and security to get us through the change taking place. Perhaps that
was it. With Dad’s passing I no longer had a father or a mother. I was an
orphan.
Before returning to my own home a hundred miles away,
I decided to drive by my parents’ home that had been sold when Dad entered the
nursing home. I passed by their house of
60 years or more and stopped at the curb for reflection. “Heavenly, Father,” I prayed. “What’s wrong
with me? I know my parents are with You. Their faith and trust in Your Son,
Jesus, were clearly shown to me over and over again. And, I, too, know Your Son
as my Savior, but Father, I feel so alone. Please help me!” I cried.
After calling to God for help, I had the urge to drive
by my former church only a block away from our neighborhood. In fact, the
church had been started by my great-grandfather. To me, this church was a part
of my heritage. As I entered, the quiet of the sanctuary penetrated my heart. I
breathed in the peace and comfort I felt amidst its walls. A sense of security
crept over me. The tension and isolation that had grown inside me were
diminishing, and a fullness was replacing the emptiness as well.
Several days later while I was studying my devotions,
I was led to John 14. Never before had those words spoken by Jesus affected me
so directly. When I read verse 18, “I will not leave you orphans; I will come
to you,” I broke into tears and cried like a little girl. I realized that I was
not an orphan, but a child of God’s. He had never abandoned me. He was
there through every loss I had experienced, and He had lovingly and gently
reminded me of His faithfulness through His words from John. Yes, I am a member
of God’s family; I am His daughter, now and forever.
“Peace I leave with
you. My peace I give to you; not as the
world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid.” John 14: 27
"Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments." Deut. 7:9
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