Anxieties Within

              The other day I was going through the doldrums, those times when a person feels melancholy, sad, discouraged and unappreciated.  You know…the blues L  I really didn’t know why this mood suddenly hit me because the activity of the day was relatively routine. However, something inside me felt unsettled and anxious. In fact, I was becoming impatient with myself. I felt restless to the point of being engaged with abundant energy, and I hadn’t even drunk my sweet tea yet.

               Having put together a pot of fresh vegetable soup for supper and leaving it to simmer on the stove, I decided to take my excess energy outside.  Being outside curbed my energy quickly as the cold wind brought chills beneath my coat. I fed the birds, pulled a few dried weeds underneath the feeder, and returned to watch some football on TV.  All the while, though, I remained mentally antsy.

               As the day turned to evening, I found myself drawn to past memories.  My thoughts travelled from my childhood when life was simple and secure to my own family when our house was full of activity, unexpected encounters and challenges. Perhaps my inner being was longing for those former days, days that were difficult at times, but days filled with being needed and appreciated.

               After I had finished the supper dishes, I entered the quiet of our upstairs where the bedrooms of our children remain intact except for our son’s.  His had become my office.  However, I passed its door and settled upon the bed of our second daughter’s.  Lying there in the dark, I began talking to my Father.

               I told Him I felt restless today but I didn’t know why. Life, in general, was moving on an even keel.  Challenges lay in the future, but I felt confident with facing them, so I thought.  I missed my family but again, I knew they were being watched by Him. Our conversation continued for about thirty minutes as I rambled on with a variety of topics, like a child confiding in my parent with me doing all the talking. Then, I returned to life downstairs.

               Later, when my husband had gone to bed and the quiet of the night surrounded me, I cuddled upon our couch with my Bible and my devotions.  I first turned to Ruth Graham’s devotional book, Fear Not Tomorrow, God Is Already There.  The topic was “Trust His Patience.”  When I read the following excerpt, a “light bulb” experience occurred. “Inside I am full of anxiety. I must confess that I am impatient. When I see something that needs doing, I get to it, and if someone doesn’t do something in the time I think it needs to be done, I get agitated. Not a good thing!”  Wow!!  That was me, too, and the last part related to that day.  I thought my husband should be getting some small jobs done around the house, and when he failed to do anything about them, my agitation within me grew.  Patience…God is VERY patient. I need to be more patient, especially in my relationship with my husband. More importantly, I need to be trusting God’s patience and His timing in my every day walk.  (Point #1 on why I had felt the way I did.)

               The second devotion I read ended with a prayer which addressed discouragement, another sense I had experienced that day. “Dear Lord, when I get discouraged, help me to keep pressing on, looking ahead to when I will be with You forever.” Our Daily Bread  Discouragement can be damaging to the plan God has for us so we (I) must keep moving forward trusting Him all the way. (Point #2 on why I had felt the way I did.)

               Finally, the third message taken from Job spoke of family. Its emphasis was on balancing one’s professional life with family life. Since I was a stay-at-home mom for the majority of our children’s childhoods, that part didn’t relate to me. However, when Job reflected on his past days, “When the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were around me…” Job 29:5, his words personally touched me, especially that day when I had missed my family more than usual. I recognized that no matter where my family members presently were, we were together in God’s eyes. He would keep us together. (Point #3 on why I had felt the way I did.)

               As I closed my Bible and put the devotions away, I sensed God’s response to our previous conversation through the Holy Spirit. He was conversing with me through His Word and through spiritual writers.  As a result of His Presence, the confusion that had followed me through the day was replaced with peace because my Father had listened to His daughter and had answered through His Spirit. We serve a very personal God who cares and loves us so very much.  We just need to go to Him, talk with Him, wait, and listen to His response. Praise to our Heavenly Father!!

“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” Psalm 94:19